Memories that flood my mind..
The warmth in my chest..
A smile tugging at the ends of my mouth..
And a heart that feels like it's swelling..

Gratitude.

For so long, I was afraid of letting people back in. Afraid of trusting again. My nature has always been inclined to make connections, I’ve never been a person who can casually connect and be on my way. I feel everything so deeply and I see the good and sometimes the bad in others. Despite seeing the bad, I’ve always had the urge deep inside to be genuine with those around me, to be honest, to be myself wholeheartedly.

Have I always done this? Absolutely not. We all know that it’s much “easier” walking around with a mask on. (Yes, even pre/post covid.) When I have garnered the courage to be myself, it has not always worked out in my favor. I have felt deep pain, experienced betrayal, lost friends, and even family. Yet there is One who knew He would experience worse than I ever will and He chose to love.

He knew what He would endure, and still He chose to share with others- to dine with them, to laugh with them, to weep with them. So who am I to stop trying? Who am I to sit in old hurt caused by those I may never speak to or see again? Who am I to close myself from the community He has blessed me with?

To follow in His footsteps, I give it another try. I open my heart to My Creator, The Only One who can heal what’s been broken.

And I pray..

Pray for His love to shine through the people I meet
Pray for godly connections
Pray for women who know Him, who love Him
Pray for women who will encourage and teach me
Pray for women who have more experience than I do, who are great mothers and wives
Pray for men who can lead my husband by example
Pray for men to be in my husbands life who love their wives and kids but love The Lord above all

I lay it all at His feet and I wait, and wait. Finally, He tells me to trust Him, to not give up, and to allow myself to open up again. 

So I trust Him.

This time, I allow Him to guide me. I give Him space to give me wisdom and discernment. Most importantly, I allow Him to heal me in the way He knows best. 

And He answers.. and I am grateful beyond words. 

Impromptu dinner and coloring nights, coffee dates, deep theological conversations, walks in the park, laughs, tears, game nights, sharing our dreams and what God has been doing in our lives. Carrying each others burdens and helping each other through those struggles by pointing back to The One who is in control. Moments of gentle correction and rebukes, words of encouragement, reminders on what HIS WORD says, prayers, SO many prayers, and so much more..

He has answered me and I am overwhelmed by His love through His people. 
Overwhelmed by the way He is healing me.
Overwhelmed by the incredible people He has brought into my life.
The bold and courageous women who inspire me to walk in His truth and freedom on a daily basis. 

Have I had moments of fear, doubt, feeling unworthy, or like I don't belong? Yes.. BUT GOD. 

A woman I admire and respect once told me, "remember, some people are for a season". And as much as I am grateful for all of the people He has brought in my life, I continue to fully lean on The One who will always remain- Jesus.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think.." Ephesians 3:20a