As I sit here with my heart pounding rapidly, face tingling, body trembling, this feeling I know all too well starts to well up in my chest. Pride. Offense. Anger. The green and red giant that has plagued me for so long. A feeling that has become so familiar, like the hot sun on my face during the hot Florida summers. I start to get a flood of thoughts, tears pricking my eyes. I sit here fighting from letting them fall. Do I text back in anger, in frustration? Do I defend myself? Do I give them a piece of my mind? I start yelling internally- Lord are You seeing this? They always do this God! Why do they always do this? I’ve been so nice and patient! 

I start to take deep breaths and then the thoughts shift… 

Lord forgive me. 

Please help me to not be offended by this. 

Please remove this anger from me. 

Help me Lord. 

Fix me Lord. 

Work on me Lord. 

And then the words come to my mind as if someone turned on a neon sign- 

BE ANGRY AND DO NOT SIN

I take another deep breath and remember, I am trying to live holy. 

Fight or flight? So many times I chose fight but today I choose flight. Today I choose to crucify the desires of my flesh- to stand up for myself, to have the last word, to make sure they know I’m right. Today I choose to walk in the steps of my Savior and I forgive. I respond with kindness, with love. I lay it at His feet. And as my heart rate starts to slow down, I let the tears roll down my face. The hot, wet feeling that I saw as weakness so many times before, I now see as surrender. Surrender to the One who died for me. The One who deserves it all. 

I’m angry, but I do not sin. 

“Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Ephesians 4:26